I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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