I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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