Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
