Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i think i just lost a toe
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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