I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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