i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Come on in and take your pants off
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