I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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