Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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