I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
