Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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