im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
