cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
