Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize