So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I cut my penus on the lid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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