: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Enjoy the penises
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
