you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As shirtless as possible
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
