Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
