Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
