Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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