The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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