Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
