So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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