the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't turn off my feet"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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