I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
