good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
