i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
