I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
