I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
