Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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