He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
