I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize