i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
