I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
