If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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