Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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