yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
