Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize