Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
