What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
