Are we in a gay sports bar?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
