I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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