New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
