That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
