Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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