Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So much rum. So many feels.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
