shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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