Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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