I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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