I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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