You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
