I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
