I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
