I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
