She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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