My liver just broke up with me...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
