she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
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$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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