It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
