Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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