i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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