then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
