you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
