So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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