I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
