I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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