i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
