I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
