I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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