Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
