she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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