I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
