Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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