That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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